11.16.2009

reflecting

i can remember the day camden arrived and the flood of emotions that came with him. mostly, just pure love.

he was the easiest baby you could ever imagine. after a few months, some even said he seemed like a man, trapped in a little boy's body. his eyes were so full of thought and light.
and then one day, that easy baby turned into a not so easy baby. one moment so happy and full of love, and the next he seemed to have the weight of the world on those tiny shoulders.

many sleepless nights, and more heartbreak and tears than i care to remember, until one day an explanation. sensory processing disorder...autism spectrum....asperger's syndrome. all things we have become very familiar with in our house. and then everything started to make sense to us, and then most importantly, to him.

some days i just watch him in awe. his ability to connect with people is beautiful. his use & understanding of words so impressive. i fear he will outsmart me any day now.
his love has no bounds.
when he makes a wish at a fountain, he doesn't wish for a new toy, he wishes for all the people in the world to be friends.
when he says a prayer at night in bed, he says he is thankful that God put him in my tummy.
when i didn't know what was going on with him, and was consumed by frustration and fear last year, he told me "i believe in you, mama". i will never, ever forget that moment and the limitless strength it gave me.

if he was in your child's class, or you saw him at the park or a restaurant, you may not notice anything different about him at all. he would probably strike up a very interesting conversation with you and make you laugh. most people that know him well, have a hard time believing the diagnosis. but it is real, it just has so many faces. or should i say disguises?

i've been thinking a lot about the boy he is lately. and how proud i am of his leaps and bounds this year. this obviously effects our family immensely every day and i felt like sharing a little bit of that here.

10 comments:

Alisha said...

Beautiful post. What a tough road your traveling but it sounds like you have it all in check. He is a very lucky young man.

Elizabeth said...

Oh Sandy. A beautiful post, resounding with such enormous love, purpose and postive spirit. But a kleenex warning next time...please! I'm a mess over here.

Amazing children soar when they are surrounded by an amazing family. You are so clearly an inspiration to each other - thank you for so openly sharing your journey and letting that inspiration spread.

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful post Sandy. I am in floods of tears. Camden sounds like a wonderful young man and you are of course a truly wonderful mother. Thank you for sharing :)

Melanie

Kelly-Jane said...

He is a gorgeous boy. I know what you mean about giving thanks, I do too for mine.

Your love really does shine out from your post :)

a friend to knit with said...

oh, sandy. camden sounds sweet and caring! and he is no doubt adorable. God knew what he was doing when he put the two of you together. you seem like the perfect match. hugs, you.

Renee said...

What a beautiful post. You are all amazing, thankx for sharing.

Lisa Roberts said...

I love Camden. He is unique, and a true original. The photographs project your love and his spirit. You are a beautiful Mom, inside & out.
Love,
Lisa

larissa said...

Sandy, thank you so much for sharing this - after all our lives are not just about knitting and quilting. First and foremost we are moms - who spend most of our time thinking about, loving, and caring for our kiddos. Camden wisdom and maturity sound like they're way beyond his years - that can be emotionally taxing on a little guy - but also beautiful. I can tell how much you love your guys and being their mama from your beautiful post. Best of luck to your family, pretty lady.

Jane said...

Sandy, it's easy to forget that we all have our struggles when we read everyone's wonderful blogs. Thank you for sharing your son with us. How lucky he is to have you!

Anna said...

You are so lucky to have each other, our time with our children is so precious and you are an amazing mother.
xxx